For survivors, and many others as well, the holidays can be a very stressful and difficult time. Filled with too many expectations, too many things to do, too many memories, etc., the holidays never seem to duplicate the pictures of peace and love that we see portrayed throughout the season. As a survivor, one of the things that I have found helpful in getting through the holidays is developing the ability to change my way of viewing and preparing for them. I take care of all the “business” associated with the holidays, such as gift buying and writing cards, before the month of November ends, leaving me time to focus on the people, places, and things that are important to me.
One other thing that I have also found helpful was to change my attitudes and views of the holidays and the upcoming new year to something that was meaningful and beneficial for me. Whereas in the past, I would dread the memories and feelings associated with the holidays, I, throughout the holiday season, now turn my attention to the many gifts that I have received throughout the year. This includes such things as ways that I may have grown, things I may have learned, and most important of all, the people and things, even little things, that make my life special everyday. Below is something that I recently wrote that expresses some of the things that I take the time to remember and appreciate during the season. They are not memories of the past, but more simple, every day things that I often forget about and/or take for granted during the course of the year. The ending of one year, and the beginning of another one, provides me a perfect time to look back and appreciate, which in turn allows me to look forward with hope.
I challenge each of you to find a way to take back the holiday season in a way that is meaningful and beneficial to you. Develop new traditions and memories that are special to you. Every hour or day that you are able to reclaim as yours is special. It is yours and not controlled by memories and issues of the past. You are a survivor, and capable of adapting and changing, so give yourself a gift this holiday season and try to find ways to take back and enjoy the holidays. You deserve it! You are special!
Even though I keep my eyes tightly closed against the morning light, I am thankful that I can see. There are many that are blind.
Even though I huddle in my bed and dread leaving its comfort and warmth some days, I am thankful that I have the strength to rise. There are many that illness confines to their beds.
Even though I sometimes maintain a martyred silence when I should speak and spout forth when I should remain silent, I am thankful for the gift of speech. There are many that are mute.
Even though the tension of life sometimes runs high – when the weather is miserable, and things have to be done, and I’m tired, and tempers are short…and as a result of all that, I feel like being alone, I am thankful that I do not have to be alone all the time. I am thankful for the people in my life. There are many people who are really…and completely…and always …alone.
Even though I sometimes feel depressed and moody and empty, and I wonder if I can go on or even if it is worth going on, I am thankful for all the pleasant little things that happen, which I so often take for granted. There are many that live without some of the simple things that I enjoy.
Even though it sometimes takes all my energy to get into the shower, I’m thankful for a warm shower and the soap that smells good. There are many that bathe in cold water.
I’m thankful for the cheeseburger that tasted good (even though it came from the local fast food restaurant), and the candy bar that made my day. I’m thankful for the friend who lent me her jacket, the friend who helped me complete a project, and especially for the friends who let me use their shoulders. I’m thankful for the chatter and the laughter, the music and the singing, and the silence sometimes, both within as well as without. I’m thankful for the wind and the sun and the smiles on people’s faces.
I’m thankful for those mornings when I wake up feeling good, and I’m thankful for all the boring ordinary days when nothing very special happened, but something very unfortunate could have happened.
Even though I sometimes complain about the special people in my life, that they expect too much or don’t understand, and even though I sometimes go months without having contact with them, I am thankful that I have people in my life who care, and who love me, even if they sometimes don’t know how to show it. There are so many people who have never experienced the warmth and security of love.
Even though my dinner table rarely looks like the pictures in the magazines, and even though the food doesn’t always turn out the way I would like, I am thankful for the food that I do have. There are so many people who go hungry every day.
Even though I sometimes find the challenges of being a survivor hard to take, and even though I sometimes have difficulty coping with them, I am thankful for the strength and courage it took to survive. There are many that died in battle.
Even though I sometimes resent the time and energy that therapy and healing takes, I am glad that I have a therapist who listens and understands. There are so many who are unable to get the help that they need.
Even though I often grumble and bemoan my life and its issues and struggles from day to day, and I often wish that my life and my situation were different, I am thankful for the gift of life. I am thankful for so many little and so many big things in my life, and for the ability to take the time to appreciate them. I am thankful for the ability to grow and change and learn.
I am thankful that life doesn’t give me more than I can handle, and when I fear that it does, that I have others to walk with me along the way until I am strong enough to walk alone again. So many people fall under the pressure, and can never find the support to get back up.
I am thankful for alters and parts, and all that makes up me. There are so many things in life that they help me to see. Through all life’s ups and downs, I’m thankful for all that allows me to be me.
© Donna B. is a recovering survivor with DID.
