CONCERNED OTHERS NEED SUPPORT TOO!

As a spouse of an individual with DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder), I can attest that supporting someone who was abused as a child can at times be a painstaking and frustrating job. I at times find myself feeling alone, left out, and/or just helpless while my wife is undergoing treatment, dealing with flashbacks, the mental health system and/or better yet, in the fun filled days of managed care, with the insurance companies. Being involved in another's healing process can place an extremely heavy burden on a supporter and his or her own health and emotional well-being. This is especially true if the survivor is also a multiple (DID), where things can be even more unpredictable. For myself, I've come home from work many times to a 2, 4, or 8 year old child who is either crying or playing. At other times, it has been to a very mouthy adolescent or to a spouse who is so dissociative that her mind is in another dimension - lost somewhere in "The Twilight Zone". Yet, through it all, I try to remain that pillar of strength and support that she so desperately needs. However, even pillars need some maintenance at times, and that is why I believe it is extremely important for supporters of survivors to take care of themselves too. One way I find to do so is by participating in a concerned others support group.

Support groups can be extremely healthy and somewhat challenging, not only for the survivor, but for the concerned other and his or her own emotional well being as well. Meeting with others and sharing some of the same challenges of living with a survivor can give you the opportunity and time to vent out what is going on with you. It also provides you the opportunity to meet with others who are dealing with the same kinds of experiences and stressors that you are going through, and allows you to realize that you are not alone in the struggle.

Support groups can also be a place to share and learn from one another. Many of us never had any formal training in the wonderful world of psychology, particularly on the subject of severe childhood sexual abuse. Yet it has crash-landed on top of us, often with little or no warning. Fear not, help is available if you just continue to look for it. For myself, beyond being involved in a support group, being in constant communication with my spouse's therapist allows me to let her know what is going on with both of us; an interaction that has proven to be very beneficial for all. However, it took a long time to find a therapist who has the knowledge and patience to handle and treat DID.

I can't stress enough the importance of support groups for supporters of survivors. It gives you the support and time to talk about yourself and your experiences with the survivor, and by doing such, can make you that much stronger for the survivor. It is also important to let the survivor know what is going on with you. He or she will appreciate your honesty. Never be afraid to let them know that you need time to refresh and/ or heal yourself. It is a rocky road that we travel on with our survivor, but sharing and growing together can make that road a little easier to travel on. Remember if you made a commitment to your survivor, you're in it for the long haul. You are important too, so be certain to take care of yourself and reach out for help when needed. You owe it to yourself and the survivor you're committed to.